Relationship Psychology Basics

Relationship are not always fun all the time. It may be that they go great, and them again they can maddeningly difficult. What is even worse, it can be very difficult to spot the causes for the good as well as the bad times. This makes it impossible to predict, with any certainty, what is going to happen in a relationship. This is the only explanation for the many instances we see of couples madly in love the one moment and the next you hear, they are having a divorce!

What it all comes down to is psychology. Does that mean a psychologist can save any relationship? Not necessarily, but there are some interesting things to consider. Perhaps having some simple insights into what people are thinking will help keep your current relationship that much stronger.

The National Institute of Mental Health paid for a study that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate--in the deepest sense of the word--with one another and tried to remain as independent as possible. At the same time, there was strong evidence that they were worried about abandonment and rejection. However, those with higher self-esteem didn't worry as much.

Generally speaking, older couples do not show as strong of a tendency for this type of behavior. This is most likely because they have more life experience and that they do not tie their sense of worth to what somebody else thinks of them. To put it another way, they don't worry as much about breaking up. The interesting thing is that this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up. That's not to say that break ups only happen to young couples. They can happen at any age.

There have also been differences recorded between men and women. For example, women tend to try to steer a conversation, while men tend to react to conversations as they happen. It's easy to see how this can lead to a source of conflict. Different styles of communication means that what you mean to say often isn't the way it is heard. However, once you understand these differences are there, you can take that into account whenever you are talking to each other.

These are only a few basic observations on the psychology of relationships, but there are many more. While it can be fascinating to explore the differences between how men and women think, this alone isn't always enough to keep a relationship humming along nicely. What it really takes is work and commitment.

Keep the following in mind when it feels as if your relationship is not going all that well any more. This is a good place to start. Keep in mind that seeing a marriage counselor may not be an altogether bad idea. A psychologist knows relationships and has a good grip on the psychology of relationships. A psychologist will take the time and get to know you and will therefore be able to show you how to apply that psychology and be a happier couple.

Relationship Counseling - You both have to Want to GO

It is not always easy to be together with someone you care about. Even if you started off on the right food, expecting to be happy for the rest of your lives, there often is a time to take a reality check as life catches up with you. This is when things do not seem so ideal anymore. Do not feel alone, many couples experience this. Many need relationship counseling and it is best to do it sooner than later. Before you make the decision to go for relationship counseling, here are a few things to keep in ming.

1. A counselor is not a miracle worker.

They can't just wave a magic wand and make your relationship perfect. What they can do is listen to each of you (separately and together), and offer suggestions based on what you have told them.

The purpose of visiting a counselor is not to win some imaginary contest, nor is it to prove you are right and that your partner is wrong. If that's your attitude, then you can be sure that changing that attitude is one of the first things the counselor is going to try to do. In some ways--depending how bad things are--the counselor's role is to tear down all of the nasty walls you have put up, and then rebuild on a more harmonious foundation.

2. One thing you should watch out for is more arguing.

What? Yes, that's right, a lot of couples find that they argue more after their first few sessions of relationship counseling. That's because they are learning new ways to communicate, and this change can bring stress of its own. Don't worry, though, if you stick with the counseling you will get past this and start to get along better and better.

Just having somebody to listen to your side of things can be quite therapeutic. Maybe you feel like your partner doesn't get what you're trying to say, or maybe you feel like they ignore you completely. Either way, having an objective party lending an ear can be a great way to work through things.

3. But why use a counselor at all, can't you get a lot of the same information from self-help books?

You sure can. Let me ask you this: have you tried any of those books, and if so, how are they working for you? If they're not working, that's okay, it's not your fault. See, the author can only pass along what they know, but they don't know you personally. Their advice may be wonderful...for somebody else, but it just doesn't work for you. A counselor can listen to your specific problems and then craft solutions that will work best for your specific situation.

As with all things in life there is a catch here. If you do not do something, nothing will happen! You may say to me “but that is common sense” thing is, many couples go to relationship counseling and then they do not follow through with the advice from the qualified counselor. If you do not follow the advice nothing will happen. Both of you have to be willing to go all our. If you do that there is a good chance that you will succeed.

Go to The Magic Of Making Up for more excellent advice.