Showing posts with label relationship psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship psychology. Show all posts

Friday, February 5, 2010

Relationship Psychology

No relationship is perfect, but it is possible to make your partnership more enjoyable for each of you. After all, relationship psychology is all about finding ways to maintain a balance that stops one of both partners from becoming disillusioned with the union. If you've already broken up with your partner, then using similar relationship psychology principles can also help you to get your ex back.

Relationship psychology is about teaching each person inside the relationship how to recognize destructive or unhelpful patterns that could potentially be driving your partner away. The unfortunate part about most couples is that they often believe the other person will think the same way as they do. In truth, men and women have very different ways of communicating those things they need or want.

Women need to remember that men place more value on actions rather than words. This means a woman who constantly tries to get her partner to address problems in the relationship by talking about the issues or arguing about bad behavior is almost certain to see an increase in those negative patterns.

Instead of talking or arguing your way through an issue, try using a more psychological approach. Men respond more positively to your actions. They want to know that they are capable of making you happy. A man who is constantly faced with an upset partner will begin to think there's nothing he can do to make you happy, so he'll withdraw even further from you, even to the point of breaking up.

However, if he's faced with a happy, confident partner who is a pleasure to spend time with, he's less likely to withdraw. In fact, he'll likely draw even closer because he enjoys being around you. Men in this situation will often find themselves doing whatever they can to make sure you stay as happy as you were on those occasions. If you find it difficult to raise your self-confidence, then try giving yourself a mini-make over or spend some time doing something you enjoy. When you feel good within yourself, you're more likely to radiate that confidence outwardly as well.

Men need to remember that women value slightly different emotional triggers than they do. Women want to know that the man they love places enough value on her to really listen to what she's saying. If you feel your wife or girlfriend is pulling away from you, then sit down and just listen.

Ask questions about what your partner has just said and then take notice of her responses. If men can learn to listen attentively without allowing their mind to wander off, their girlfriends will begin to feel more loved, which leads them in turn to develop into a good mood, which makes them happy and enjoyable to send time with.

These primary differences in relationship psychology between men and women are simple things you can do to help strengthen your existing relationship, but they'll also work equally well if you're trying to get your ex back.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Understanding The Wife Husband Relationship

Understanding The Wife Husband Relationship

The wife husband relationship can be a complicated one. Many marriages fail because one or both partners don’t really understand the dynamic of the relationship.

If even one person has a basic understanding of it, the marriage is bound to be stronger. But if both people understand how a wife husband relationship works, then it has the best chance of being a good marriage.

One of the keys to understanding the wife husband relationship is to realize just how different men and women really are. Aside from the obvious physical differences, the sexes are different emotionally and mentally, too.

When faced with a problem, for instance, men and women tend to approach it from completely different angles. Women are more likely to discuss it with other people. They might get advice and input from a few friends. It’s not uncommon for women to talk about the problem at length.

That’s because women solve problems when they talk about them. They explore all the angles of the issue and how they feel about it, and often in doing so a solution appears.

Men, on the other hand, tend to be more tight-lipped about problems. They think about it more than they talk about it. It’s more common for a man to ponder a problem and say little until he’s figured out the solution.

In the wife husband relationship this difference in problem solving can itself be a problem. He might think that she’s talking it to death when she should be trying to figure it out herself. And she might think he’s not even worried about something because he’s not talking about it .When in reality, it’s on his mind all the time and he’s just not pointing it out.

Sometimes, women tend to talk about things that they don’t necessarily want help with, or advice about. They simply want someone to listen to their opinion and thoughts. Where if a man is talking about something, it’s because he wants an answer.

If a woman is talking about something just to get it off her chest or vent, other women tend to get that and offer support. They don’t try to tell her what to do for the most part, but simply join in the conversation in empathy.

A man might simply state a solution and tell the woman what she should do, thinking he’s being very helpful and doing what he’s supposed to. But really, the woman will feel that he’s not listening and instead just trying to end the conversation.

Of course, not every wife husband relationship will happen exactly like these examples. Some men will talk out a problem and some women will be tight-lipped about it. But in general, the sexes can be expected to follow these typically patterns.

Understanding those patterns can help you stop yourself before you do something that’s natural to you. You can think about what your partner needs from you instead, and do that .Your wife husband relationship will be much stronger and happier because of it.

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Saturday, April 4, 2009

Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling



Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.


Today’s couples seem more eager to try new things, which make counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger.


Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.


If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.


If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.


Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.


If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.


If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.


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Saturday, February 7, 2009

Does Conflict Affect Men More - Relationship Psychology



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Does Conflict Affect Men More - Relationship Psychology


In trying to overcome conflicts in a relationship, psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently. If you are dating or in a marriage, there are going to be arguments from time to time. What can make things worse is if the two people's ways of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Many marriages have turned to marriage counselors and those who aren't married will still seek out relationship advice. Most counseling will help you realize some things that may help each understand how the other party thinks.


There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoided intimacy and being dependent on their other half. They also showed levels of anxiety concerning being rejected or abandoned. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. Of course those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels and others, depending on how they dealt with anxiety and thought about abandonment, reacted differently as well.


What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. The ones researching relationship psychology using these subjects found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. Most of the reaction was increased anxiety for the majority of men while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.


Women are more likely to want to guide a conversation in trying to resolve conflict in a relationship. Psychology shows them to be, in this situation, the ones actively working to get the situation resolved. While they were showing increased levels of cortisol before and during the confrontation, the levels dropped significantly. They showed that getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying.


Men, however, showed to be more passive in conflict resolution. While there was evidence that they, too, wanted the conflict to be resolved they weren't anxious to confront the conflict head on. Those men who had female partners who were more secure showed lower levels of anxiety. Women showed no change in their levels of anxiety whether their male counterpart was secure or not.


When you seek out relationship advice, whether you go to family therapy or psychologists, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. The above research on studying the effects of conflict in men and women will help you know why the react the way that they do in the relationship. Psychology and physiological research will help you deal with conflict better.


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Monday, February 2, 2009

Doctor Phil Relationship Remedy Relationship Rescue Review




Relationship Rescue, Philip McGraw has done a great amount of work to try and help people put their lives back together after things have fallen apart. This is no different from anything else that he has done on television with his show that brings in people who are in the middle of family crisis. If there are problems that people are having, he will help them find a way to solve it themselves.


While it might be better to have Dr. Phil right there with you to help you figure things out, his book, Relationship Rescue, provides the next best thing. While it is always recommended to go seek counseling, it may not always be feasible. What makes many efforts to save relationships fail is that there is no action taken. Dr. Phil insists that if your relationship is to be saved, then both parties must work to save it. Any marriage counseling or relationship advice that anyone will give you will let you know that work is involved.


Phil McGraw's book gives people instructions that are very helpful but can be difficult because he challenges both parties in the love relationship to look inwardly and own up to their problems and work to fix them. He tells them that they need to work as hard to fix themselves as they expect their partner or spouse to work on theirs. Relationship Rescue says that even if you think that your significant other is the root of all the problems you must scrutinize yourself.


In Relationship Rescue, Dr. Phil asks readers to perform an self analysis regarding their feelings about the relationship. There are lists of questions that are categorized by topics like, "Relationship Health Profile," "Personal Concepts Profile," "The Relationship Behavior Profile: Your Partner," "The Relationship Behavior Profile: You." Just looking at those headings you know that it is going to require some serious work and thinking that will be well worth it once you see an improvement in not only your perceptions of the relationship, but in the relationship itself.


Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue also encourages people to change their perspective of the relationship form a negative one to a positive one. Most people make things out to be worse than they are. Changing one's viewpoint of the other in the love relationship may help them see that the problems may be as bad as first thought.


Dr. Phil, as always, gives common sense relationship advice that requires some hard thinking and some hard work. There are millions of people who have taken his advice that he gives in this book and seen dramatic improvements in their lives. If you don't have the patience or the time to read his Relationship Rescue book, there is an abridged audiobook available that makes the information easy to understand but also helps in that you get to listen to his sound advice in his own voice.


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Saturday, January 17, 2009

I Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time Line



I Lost Love – Every Relationship Has a Time Line


When I think about how I lost love, I think about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” When I lost love, I felt the whole world had collapsed around me. I’m sharing my story in order to help you if you too have lost the love of your life.


I think it is important to remember that every relationship has a natural lifespan. In Junior High, that’s about four days. As we get older, the lifespan increases. But, there are certain relationships that are right for a period of time and then go awry.


Most of us will only have one great love in our lives. The other relationships will terminate. That’s why when I say I lost love, I understand that this is a natural process.


In my case, my girlfriend and I were thinking about ratcheting up our relationship. Her lease was about to end, and she wanted to move into my apartment. As we were spending most of our time there anyway, it made sense from a financial perspective.

But there is something significant about having separate places. I know I lost love because I couldn’t handle her taking our relationship to this level. I guess the time span of our relationship was up because I wasn’t willing to become more committed.


Now, I know I handled the situation badly. I went to a friend’s bachelor party and let’s just say things got out of hand. Word about the wild antics at the party got back to my girlfriend, naturally, and she dumped me. I lost love over the events of one night.


But, when I think back on what really happened, the events of the bachelor party were really a reaction to our discussion of more commitment. I seriously don’t think I would have behaved the way I did if I really wanted her to move in. I lost love because I wasn’t ready for the direction it was taking.

I’m glad I had the chance to be in a relationship with my ex. But I don’t think she was the love of my life, my soul mate. Instead, she was someone with whom I genuinely enjoyed spending time. I loved her. I still love her. But, she is not the person with whom I see spending the rest of my life.


I went through a period of mourning the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. I really was hurt when she said she wanted to end things. Sure, I understood that I had hurt her. But, I didn’t want her to leave my life completely.


I guess what I wanted was for things to continue on the way they were. But, every relationship has to grow or die. Because I wasn’t willing to let it grow, it had to die. In every relationship, there is a time to die. And, for me, this was it. That’s how I lost love.


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