Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Advice For Long Lasting Relationships
You know, like most of
us, I hate to see the people I love make mistakes and be
unhappy in
their relationships. This is particularly hard to watch when the
signs are so obviously there and the people I care about just refuse
to see them. That is one of the first pieces of advice for long
lasting relationship I would give: don't be afraid to see what is
wrong right from the start.
Whether we want to
believe, or admit it, most of the time we can clearly see what the
potential issues are going to be in a relationship after the first
few weeks or months. The problem is that most of us are in the early
stages of love and we don't want to see the warning signs... so we
don't.
We turn a blind eye to
the obvious problems. Then, over time, those problems become harder
and harder to ignore. We "pretend" like we were blindsided,
but
that is usually not the case.
The best advice for
long lasting relationship I can give is to be willing to see and
objectively consider the impact that these issues will have on your
relationship over time. That way, you can decide if you should end
things early on before you get in too deep and before there is a lot
of pain to either one of you.
Now one thing that I
need to point out is that all relationships, even the good ones, will
have their challenges. No one is saying that your relationship will
be or needs to be perfect.
What I am talking about
are those big issues that you know, if you would only admit it to
yourself, will cause a lot of pain, anger and frustration over the
long term. Ignoring these things will make your life a lot harder and
it is unnecessary.
Here are some of the
things I mean:
1. Honesty. If you
value honesty above all else and you start dating someone who isn't
hesitant about throwing out the "little white lie" on
occasion you know that over time that will drive you crazy. That is
not something you want to ignore. More than that someone who will
tell "white lies" will usually also be pretty adept at
telling much bigger and more harmful lies.
Lying isn't something
to be taken lightly. It's a lot more than just the lie itself it's
about honesty. Trusting your partner will play a huge role in any
good relationship. If you know they are prone to lying you will learn
to not trust them and then the relationship will unravel very
quickly.
2. Work ethic. If you
want a partner who will be an equal partner don't ignore the signs
early on that the new person in your life is lazy and content to
allow you to carry more of the weight, whether that weight is
emotional or the actual work that needs to be done around the house
or on the job.
You may be able to
convince yourself that this is "cute" in the beginning but
over time your resentment at having to carry so much of the load will
erode whatever feelings you have for your partner.
Don't ignore the
warning signs early on.
As you can see, this
list is not what you would call "exhaustive". It is just a
place to start. At the end of the day only you can decide which
traits you can live with and which ones will be deal breakers.
Don't expect anyone to
be perfect, they won't be, and neither are you. But, you can find
someone who really is "perfect" for you. By being realistic
on those traits you can live with and those things you can't, and
recognizing them early on, you can do more to ensure the longevity
and happiness of all your relationships.
You don't have to
settle and this advice for long lasting relationship will help you
focus on those things that really matter.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Advice Relationships - Tips And Advice On Relationships
There is a plethora of
advice on relationships, but some notable ones can be
found right
here. It is important to know some common mistakes couples make
during a relationship, some community resources you can go to for
some extra help, the benefits of family support, and how to talk to
each other more effectively.
1. One common mistake
in a relationship is when either you or your partner let your temper
get out of control.
This is especially bad
if children are present because the little ones are looking to you
two as role models on how to behave. Another mistake is not talking
or communicating with each other enough. Communication is very
important and without it, a relationship can drift farther apart.
Having an argument late
at night is a no-no in a relationship. Never go to bed angry with
each other. This is one of the best advice on relationships because
this is what makes them last. Lack of romance is a big mistake as
well. If either one or both of you are not very romantic, make it a
point to improve in that area. Ask your partner what his or her
fantasy is, and then surprise them with it one day.
2. Sometimes a great
relationship involves getting the advice of other trusted people.
Some great community
resources can help you avoid and get through problems. Have a
marriage counselor from your church or community center available a
phone call away. Also have a financial counselor available too. Money
issues tend to be a major factor in the health of a relationship, and
if you both nip that in the bud quickly, then there will be a lot
less to worry about.
3. Family support is
vitally important, even if they live far away.
Strive to be courteous
to your partner's family, and expect for your partner to be courteous
to yours. This is a good minimum standard for both of you to have for
each other, because when the time comes that both of you need some
support, they should be there for you at least to the extent you were
there for them.
4. Talking to each
other more effectively is important advice for relationships as well.
Know how your partner
talks, and more importantly how he or she listens. If you say
something and your partner reads or interprets it a certain way, talk
about that interpretation. Find out why they interpreted it that way
because you just may need to change the way you say things or they
may need to change the way they hear it.
This advice on
relationships just scratches the surface for what both of you need to
do in order to keep a thriving bond with each other.
Monday, February 3, 2014
A Divorce- Christians Also Go Through It
Divorce is something that thousands of
people face every day. This also includes Christians. The debate in
the Christian community over divorce is strong and diverse. Many
believe divorce is unacceptable as stated by the Lord. However many
others believe it is acceptable under certain circumstances.
In a divorce Christian faith can be
tested and it can be hard to know what to belief with so many
conflicting statements. However Christianity is all about faith, and
more contemporary Christians acknowledge that reality does not quite
go according to God's plan.
We, as Christian are the cause for that
as we so often go into marriage without seeking God's advice.
It is our duty as God's people to
try our best to live our lives as God would want.
1. God gave us a free will
Humans have free will and part of
having free will is making mistakes and adapting over time. If God
did not want us to evolve he would not have given us the ability to
do so. Even though God gave us free will out of love does not mean we
should not seek His advice.
2. Whether you simply grew apart or
because a betrayal was committed
Whether you simply grew apart or
because a betrayal was committed in your marriage, a divorce might
often prove to be the best option. A divorce Christian will suffer a
harder time during a divorce then others. Not only must they contend
with all the problems of a divorce, but also the test on their faith
as they know they are going against God's plan.
3. God for gives our sins
However we must remind ourselves that
God is all knowing, and forgiving of our sins. While He may not like
divorces, we know that he will understand and forgive if we confess
our sin as part of the marriage going wrong. As much as God may be
against divorces, He will understand that you cannot stay in an
abusive relationship.
Some Christians like to follow the
Bible to the letter, and use it as a shield and sword in the fight
over whether or not a divorce is acceptable.
As we progress and learn more about
ourselves and the universe God put us in, we also become more open to
new ideas and realizations. And one such realization is that God does
not want us to suffer needlessly, and as such He will forgive us for
not remaining in a relationship where we are unhappy and where even
the children suffer because of the unhappy marriage.
If you believe God wants you to remain
then by all means, stay and fix your relationship. It all comes down
to personal faith.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
The Seven Most Important Tips To Rescue Your Relationship
A
relationship is something you have to nurture. Sometimes all of us
make the mistake of taking our partner for granted or our partner
starts taking us for
granted. Now we are in trouble, our relationship is heading for disaster. If you are there and you are in dire need of some tips to rescue your relationship, I have the top seven most important ones for you.
granted. Now we are in trouble, our relationship is heading for disaster. If you are there and you are in dire need of some tips to rescue your relationship, I have the top seven most important ones for you.
1. Stop
arguing:
You have
to give yourself time to calm down and to stop arguing. If you are
upset and emotional you will not be able to take the steps you need
to take to rescue your relationship.
2. Stop
accusing your partner:
This is
also very important. Maybe it is part of the “stop arguing” but
as it is so important I make it a separate point. As long as you keep
accusing your partner of whatever, you will not be able to rescue
your relationship! Please, just bite your tongue, if you have to. If
you want to save it, you have to stop!
3. Try and
observe what is really going on:
Try and
really get behind everything that is going on. What are the real
reasons you are having problems. Sometimes the things we argue about
are not the real problem. The arguing is often only a symptom of
something deeper that is wrong. By staying calm and really observing
what is happening, you may just find out what it is. Take special
note of what it may be that you are doing. Sometimes we are the real
problem without really knowing it.
4. Start
with yourself:
This is
very important. First of all you have to start correcting all the
things you are responsible for. If your work schedule is the reason
you are drifting apart, you have to try and come up with a solutions
that will give you more time together. If you are neglecting your
partner because you are spending too much time with your friends, try
and come up with a plan how you can spend time with your friends, but
still spend more time with your partner.
Make a
plan, whatever it is you can do, do it first before you expect your
partner to do anything. You have to show your partner that you are
committed to it and are willing to make sacrifices to rescue your
relationship.
5. Show
your love:
The next
step is to show your love without smothering your partner. Do the
little things you know your partner loves. Make your partner feel
special all over again. What is it that drew you together in the
first place? How did you behave? What were the little things you used
to do to make your partner feel special? Things like that. Rekindle
the loving care there used to be.
6. Make as
many opportunities as possible for the two of you to do things
together that you both love:
Spending
time with each other, doing the things you love, is the best way to
start the process to rescue your relationship! Having fun together
will put you both in a good mood. It will also show you once again
why you are a couple in the first place, what the magic between the
two of you were all about. This is a very important part of saving
it, get the fun back.
7. Now you
can discuss the problems:
Only once
you are calm and you and your partner are able to spend some fun time
together again can you discuss the problems with your partner. This
is where you have to come up with the plans that will prevent you
from going off the rails again. Make plans to take specific measures
that will help. Be realistic! Do not expect too much from your
partner. Keep the realities of life in mind and work around it. It is
important not to try and accomplish the impossible, it will not work
and then you are back at square one!
For More Help Have A Look At Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner Click on the link to go to Amazon now to have a look at what others say about it.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Best Way Reuniting After A Breakup - Is There Such A Thing
Many of us Getting dumped is something most of us experience and we're really not ready for the relationship to be over. In some cases we are the ones who do the dumping only to have regrets after a little time has passed. Whatever the situation is, here is the best way reuniting after a breakup.
I know some of this information can seem counter intuitive, but this method has helped thousands, maybe more, of couples reunite and after all, you don't have anything to lose at this point, do you?
So, I'll break it down in more detail and give you a step by step breakdown of just what you need to do:
1. First of all, make sure you really want to get back with your ex. Sometimes we lose sight of whether or not we really should stay in the relationship. We might feel lonely or sometimes our ego can get in the way. But make sure that the relationship is something that you should really continue with.
2. Second of all, make sure you allow your ex some time and space away from you. This is the part that will seem counter intuitive, but think about it like this; if you are still in your exes life because you are sending them texts or calling them all the time, you are still in there life.
How can they miss you and regret the decision to break up with you if you're still around? They can't. You will start to seem like a nuisance at best or a pathetic stalker at worst. Neither one of those things will make you seem irresistible to your ex.
Back off and give them time to miss you and time to breathe.
3. Fix you so when you and your ex do get back together you won't just make all the same mistakes all over again. I don't know who was most at fault for the breakup, but I do know that no one is perfect and there are always some things you can improve on. Why not start now?
The worst that can happen is that you are a better person for your next relationship.
4. Once you've completed steps one and two (and several weeks, at least, should have gone by now) contact your ex. Don't sound desperate or confrontational, just be causal and friendly and try to get together with them. By now they have missed you and if you don't make it sound like you want to badger them, they will most likely be curious about what you are up to.
During this get together, keep it easy and friendly. Laugh and joke and don't talk about getting back together. Just have fun and remind them of the good times you two used to share.
At this point it's very likely that your ex will ask you to get back together, at least it's a start in the right direction. Following these steps is the best way reuniting after a breakup, if you follow them.
I know some of this information can seem counter intuitive, but this method has helped thousands, maybe more, of couples reunite and after all, you don't have anything to lose at this point, do you?
So, I'll break it down in more detail and give you a step by step breakdown of just what you need to do:
1. First of all, make sure you really want to get back with your ex. Sometimes we lose sight of whether or not we really should stay in the relationship. We might feel lonely or sometimes our ego can get in the way. But make sure that the relationship is something that you should really continue with.
2. Second of all, make sure you allow your ex some time and space away from you. This is the part that will seem counter intuitive, but think about it like this; if you are still in your exes life because you are sending them texts or calling them all the time, you are still in there life.
How can they miss you and regret the decision to break up with you if you're still around? They can't. You will start to seem like a nuisance at best or a pathetic stalker at worst. Neither one of those things will make you seem irresistible to your ex.
Back off and give them time to miss you and time to breathe.
3. Fix you so when you and your ex do get back together you won't just make all the same mistakes all over again. I don't know who was most at fault for the breakup, but I do know that no one is perfect and there are always some things you can improve on. Why not start now?
The worst that can happen is that you are a better person for your next relationship.
4. Once you've completed steps one and two (and several weeks, at least, should have gone by now) contact your ex. Don't sound desperate or confrontational, just be causal and friendly and try to get together with them. By now they have missed you and if you don't make it sound like you want to badger them, they will most likely be curious about what you are up to.
During this get together, keep it easy and friendly. Laugh and joke and don't talk about getting back together. Just have fun and remind them of the good times you two used to share.
At this point it's very likely that your ex will ask you to get back together, at least it's a start in the right direction. Following these steps is the best way reuniting after a breakup, if you follow them.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Bad Relationships-What Defines A Great Relationship
What constitutes bad relationships? Well, to a large degree, only you can answer that. The sad thing is that many people will lie to them self and pretend that they are actually in a good, solid, loving relationship when they know, and all their friends and family know, that they are in an unstable, toxic relationship.
And, a toxic relationship doesn't just happen in romantic relationships either. An unhealthy relationship can happen in any and all types of human interaction. It can be a friendship, a work relationship or a family relationship, it can and does happen.
A lot of times when people think of bad relationships they think big. They think of some sort of physical, mental, emotional or sexual abuse. And, of course, any type of abuse would definitely be bad and a relationship that should not continue, but there are other, less obvious signs of a toxic relationship.
For one thing, there are some types of abuse that kind of fly "under the radar". They may not even be recognized as abuse. Here is what I mean: have you ever associated with someone who seemed to take great delight in ridiculing you and making you feel foolish? of course, they were only "joking" and you really should not be so "sensitive". When someone does that to you, it really is them not you. No one should make you feel bad about yourself on purpose. That is abuse.
In some ways the over the top abuse, such as physical, is not better (please don't take this the wrong way. Abuse is bad, period, I'm just trying to illustrate a point here) but it is certainly easier to recognize. Sometimes the more "subtle" types of abuse can sneak up on you. You may not even really notice them until you are deeply involved with someone and it is harder to break things off.
As a matter of fact, that is a very common method for many abusers. They come on strong, compliment you and make you feel loved and secure and then they will slowly start showing their true colors. They will suddenly stop complimenting and start ridiculing. That can really take someone off guard if they have become used to hearing loving words. All of a sudden they are hearing mean and spiteful things coming out of their partners mouth and it can lead them to try and figure out "what they did wrong".
At that point, the abuser has you right where they want you: off balance and willing to do pretty much anything they say in order to "bring their love back". This is the point where you must get out of the relationship as quickly as possible before you get in deeper. At this point you see your partner for what they really are, it won't change and it will never go back to the way it was before. That was not real, this is real.
They were only putting on a good front to suck you in, they really don't love you and never will. They will never really be able to give you the love, respect and affection that they were showing you (they were faking) in the beginning or that you really deserve. Get out before it gets worse.
Another common ploy is to try to distance you from family and friends. Once they have you off balance and alone the abuse can start in full force. That is a very dangerous time for any abuse victim and definitely the definition of bad relationships.
And, a toxic relationship doesn't just happen in romantic relationships either. An unhealthy relationship can happen in any and all types of human interaction. It can be a friendship, a work relationship or a family relationship, it can and does happen.
A lot of times when people think of bad relationships they think big. They think of some sort of physical, mental, emotional or sexual abuse. And, of course, any type of abuse would definitely be bad and a relationship that should not continue, but there are other, less obvious signs of a toxic relationship.
For one thing, there are some types of abuse that kind of fly "under the radar". They may not even be recognized as abuse. Here is what I mean: have you ever associated with someone who seemed to take great delight in ridiculing you and making you feel foolish? of course, they were only "joking" and you really should not be so "sensitive". When someone does that to you, it really is them not you. No one should make you feel bad about yourself on purpose. That is abuse.
In some ways the over the top abuse, such as physical, is not better (please don't take this the wrong way. Abuse is bad, period, I'm just trying to illustrate a point here) but it is certainly easier to recognize. Sometimes the more "subtle" types of abuse can sneak up on you. You may not even really notice them until you are deeply involved with someone and it is harder to break things off.
As a matter of fact, that is a very common method for many abusers. They come on strong, compliment you and make you feel loved and secure and then they will slowly start showing their true colors. They will suddenly stop complimenting and start ridiculing. That can really take someone off guard if they have become used to hearing loving words. All of a sudden they are hearing mean and spiteful things coming out of their partners mouth and it can lead them to try and figure out "what they did wrong".
At that point, the abuser has you right where they want you: off balance and willing to do pretty much anything they say in order to "bring their love back". This is the point where you must get out of the relationship as quickly as possible before you get in deeper. At this point you see your partner for what they really are, it won't change and it will never go back to the way it was before. That was not real, this is real.
They were only putting on a good front to suck you in, they really don't love you and never will. They will never really be able to give you the love, respect and affection that they were showing you (they were faking) in the beginning or that you really deserve. Get out before it gets worse.
Another common ploy is to try to distance you from family and friends. Once they have you off balance and alone the abuse can start in full force. That is a very dangerous time for any abuse victim and definitely the definition of bad relationships.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Get Someone Back Takes Time - Getting Back Together After A Long Time - With The One That Got Away
Get Someone Back Takes Time
For those who want to get someone back that they were in a relationship with it does not need to be the end of he world. Often, things can be patched up, as long as it is done in the right manner and with the right intent. Going about it the wrong way will only result in driving them farther away.
The first thing to do is to give her back her space. This is crucial, but vitally important. She needs time to be alone. Most men will worry that during this separation of contact there will be another man to slide into his place. If the relationship is salvageable then this won’t be the case. She just needs time to sort things out and having someone hover over her every move will only complicate matters.
Also during this time is when the man needs to reassess the relationship. This means to get on with your life. It does not mean to go after every woman that you come in contact with, but it is fine to start talking to them and continuing friendships. This might actually work to your advantage.
The woman needs to see that she should get back with you so this will probably send her the message that your life has not become irreparably crippled since she left. Not only is this the right message for her but also it shows her that you are a strong man, which is what women want.
It is also a good idea during this transition period that a man continues to keep up his appearance. It is important to dress in the same manner that he would if his girlfriend were still around. Nothing flashy, and nothing sloppy- just ordinary. Either she will see him out in public or one of her friends will get word back to her. If it is a friend the first thing she will ask is “how did he look?” She will want to know how the breakup is affecting him. When she finds out he has gone on with his life, seemingly unscathed, it will cause her to take another look at what happened.
If a man is going to get someone back it needs to be for the right reasons. The reconciliation should be based on the fact that he feels that she is a good match. If there is hesitation in these thoughts then perhaps he needs to re-evaluate the relationship again.
Getting Back Together After A Long Time - With The One That Got Away
Few things in life are as heady, or as frightening, as the prospect of getting back the 'one that got away'. More than likely you've spent more than a little time wondering what things would have been like if the two of you had gotten together, or stayed together, all that time ago. Getting back together after a long time isn't as impossible as it may seem, you may even be pleasantly surprised to find out your ex feels the same way too.
There are no guarantees, and of course, you will have a slightly more challenging time if you and your ex have a history and issues that the two of you have to work through. Things may actually be a little easier if this person is someone who you had feelings for but for one reason or another you never acted on those feelings, at least this way the two of you don't have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with.
You don't have to be nervous that they will reject you, as a matter of fact you don't need to let them know the true depth of your feelings at all at this point. Simply contact them. Keep things casual and let them know you were thinking about them and you were wondering if they'd like to get together to 'catch up'. Maybe you've recently moved closer to them, or you've just found some old pictures that reminded you of them, whatever the reason, you can keep things very casual at this point.
When the two of you meet, you'll be able to find out what their situation is, are they single? And if they are available, you'll be able to see from the way they act towards you if the feelings of love are mutual.
If, after the first meeting, you have established that you are both available and you both have an interest in reconnecting the next steps will depend on your previous experiences. If the two of you never got together in the past, just take your time and get reacquainted with each other, this time in a romantic way.
If the two of you have had a past relationship and now you've both decided you want to try again, it may be wise for the two of you to have 'the talk'. No, I don't mean about sex, I mean about the problems you had in your relationship the first time around. This talk doesn't have to happen on the first few dates, but if there does seem to be a spark you both have to be careful that you don't repeat the mistakes of the past and cause yourself, and each other, more pain.
It's important that the two of you are mature and honest enough to figure out what went wrong and what steps you will be wiling to take to make things better this time. It's also important that the two of you are honest about whether or not you can really have a relationship without letting all the hurts and resentments from your first relationship get in the way.
Sometimes we all need a second chance, we sometimes give up on someone too soon or are afraid to give it a try in the first place. The good news is that with a little luck and a lot of love getting back together after a long time is possible and you may both just find that it's so much better the second time around!
For those who want to get someone back that they were in a relationship with it does not need to be the end of he world. Often, things can be patched up, as long as it is done in the right manner and with the right intent. Going about it the wrong way will only result in driving them farther away.
The first thing to do is to give her back her space. This is crucial, but vitally important. She needs time to be alone. Most men will worry that during this separation of contact there will be another man to slide into his place. If the relationship is salvageable then this won’t be the case. She just needs time to sort things out and having someone hover over her every move will only complicate matters.
Also during this time is when the man needs to reassess the relationship. This means to get on with your life. It does not mean to go after every woman that you come in contact with, but it is fine to start talking to them and continuing friendships. This might actually work to your advantage.
The woman needs to see that she should get back with you so this will probably send her the message that your life has not become irreparably crippled since she left. Not only is this the right message for her but also it shows her that you are a strong man, which is what women want.
It is also a good idea during this transition period that a man continues to keep up his appearance. It is important to dress in the same manner that he would if his girlfriend were still around. Nothing flashy, and nothing sloppy- just ordinary. Either she will see him out in public or one of her friends will get word back to her. If it is a friend the first thing she will ask is “how did he look?” She will want to know how the breakup is affecting him. When she finds out he has gone on with his life, seemingly unscathed, it will cause her to take another look at what happened.
If a man is going to get someone back it needs to be for the right reasons. The reconciliation should be based on the fact that he feels that she is a good match. If there is hesitation in these thoughts then perhaps he needs to re-evaluate the relationship again.
Few things in life are as heady, or as frightening, as the prospect of getting back the 'one that got away'. More than likely you've spent more than a little time wondering what things would have been like if the two of you had gotten together, or stayed together, all that time ago. Getting back together after a long time isn't as impossible as it may seem, you may even be pleasantly surprised to find out your ex feels the same way too.
There are no guarantees, and of course, you will have a slightly more challenging time if you and your ex have a history and issues that the two of you have to work through. Things may actually be a little easier if this person is someone who you had feelings for but for one reason or another you never acted on those feelings, at least this way the two of you don't have a lot of emotional baggage to deal with.
You don't have to be nervous that they will reject you, as a matter of fact you don't need to let them know the true depth of your feelings at all at this point. Simply contact them. Keep things casual and let them know you were thinking about them and you were wondering if they'd like to get together to 'catch up'. Maybe you've recently moved closer to them, or you've just found some old pictures that reminded you of them, whatever the reason, you can keep things very casual at this point.
When the two of you meet, you'll be able to find out what their situation is, are they single? And if they are available, you'll be able to see from the way they act towards you if the feelings of love are mutual.
If, after the first meeting, you have established that you are both available and you both have an interest in reconnecting the next steps will depend on your previous experiences. If the two of you never got together in the past, just take your time and get reacquainted with each other, this time in a romantic way.
If the two of you have had a past relationship and now you've both decided you want to try again, it may be wise for the two of you to have 'the talk'. No, I don't mean about sex, I mean about the problems you had in your relationship the first time around. This talk doesn't have to happen on the first few dates, but if there does seem to be a spark you both have to be careful that you don't repeat the mistakes of the past and cause yourself, and each other, more pain.
It's important that the two of you are mature and honest enough to figure out what went wrong and what steps you will be wiling to take to make things better this time. It's also important that the two of you are honest about whether or not you can really have a relationship without letting all the hurts and resentments from your first relationship get in the way.
Sometimes we all need a second chance, we sometimes give up on someone too soon or are afraid to give it a try in the first place. The good news is that with a little luck and a lot of love getting back together after a long time is possible and you may both just find that it's so much better the second time around!
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