Showing posts with label relationship rescue tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship rescue tips. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Do You Need A Relationship Rescue Service
Are you wondering if you need a relationship rescue service? Are there warning signs that not all is well in your love life? Perhaps your partner is being evasive or non attentive? Perhaps they are busier than normal and not available to go on dates if you are not yet married or come home early if you are? When you are with them, do you get the feeling they would rather be anywhere else?
Before you panic there could be a million reasons why your partner has gone a little cold on you. He or she could be worried about their job, money or a health issue. They could have a friend going through a rough patch and be trying to help them. It doesn't mean, necessarily, that they don't love you.
In his book, The Magic Of Making Up, T 'Dub' Jackson talks about being able to communicate properly. This is one area that can be improved in almost all relationships. Did you know that most couples break up not because of infidelity but because of a lack of communication. They simply can't or won't talk to one another.
The problem is that if you do not chat openly about your concerns or worries about your relationship, seeds of doubt are grown and suddenly these seeds become huge bushes. While they were seeds, they would have been relatively easy to work out but now they have grown out of proportion, they become a lot more difficult to deal with.
If you suspect there is an issue in your partnership you need to deal with it as soon as possible. Ask your partner to meet you for a drink or a meal on neutral territory. If you have kids get someone to babysit as this is important. Meeting on neutral ground means you are more likely to have a reasonable discussion than a full blown argument.
Don't attack him or her or accuse them of anything. Simply talk about how you are feeling in general terms trying very hard to keep any blame out of the equation. Give them a chance to talk and explain their feelings. Even if it is your relationship that needs rescuing, they may be very grateful that you have brought the issue out into the open.
Most of the time secrets are not good for relationships. The people who have been together for forty years will tell you that it takes hard work, mutual trust and respect to keep love alive. By trying to keep the lines of communication open between you as a couple, you go some way towards developing the trust and respect that you need to survive.
Stop second guessing yourself today and take some action. You and only you can resolve this and it won't happen by putting your head in the sand. Get a copy of the magic of making up, read it and then speak to your partner. Only by taking action can you prevent a relationship rescue service being required.
Before you panic there could be a million reasons why your partner has gone a little cold on you. He or she could be worried about their job, money or a health issue. They could have a friend going through a rough patch and be trying to help them. It doesn't mean, necessarily, that they don't love you.
In his book, The Magic Of Making Up, T 'Dub' Jackson talks about being able to communicate properly. This is one area that can be improved in almost all relationships. Did you know that most couples break up not because of infidelity but because of a lack of communication. They simply can't or won't talk to one another.
The problem is that if you do not chat openly about your concerns or worries about your relationship, seeds of doubt are grown and suddenly these seeds become huge bushes. While they were seeds, they would have been relatively easy to work out but now they have grown out of proportion, they become a lot more difficult to deal with.
If you suspect there is an issue in your partnership you need to deal with it as soon as possible. Ask your partner to meet you for a drink or a meal on neutral territory. If you have kids get someone to babysit as this is important. Meeting on neutral ground means you are more likely to have a reasonable discussion than a full blown argument.
Don't attack him or her or accuse them of anything. Simply talk about how you are feeling in general terms trying very hard to keep any blame out of the equation. Give them a chance to talk and explain their feelings. Even if it is your relationship that needs rescuing, they may be very grateful that you have brought the issue out into the open.
Most of the time secrets are not good for relationships. The people who have been together for forty years will tell you that it takes hard work, mutual trust and respect to keep love alive. By trying to keep the lines of communication open between you as a couple, you go some way towards developing the trust and respect that you need to survive.
Stop second guessing yourself today and take some action. You and only you can resolve this and it won't happen by putting your head in the sand. Get a copy of the magic of making up, read it and then speak to your partner. Only by taking action can you prevent a relationship rescue service being required.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
How To Get Your Relationships Needs Met
If you can get your relationships needs met, the relationship has a better chance of being long and happy, that is the reason why it is one of the very important Relationship Rescue Tips. Not having your needs met is one of the biggest reasons relationships don’t work out. And after a break up, it’s especially important to have your relationships needs met to stay happy and stay together.
The surefire way to get your needs met in a relationship is by making sure the other person knows just what those needs are. You can’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expert your partner to be able to read minds either. He or she wants to make sure your relationships needs are met, so tell them what they are.
At the same time, encourage your partner to tell you the needs he or she feels are important. You might be surprised to learn, if you’ve never had this conversation before, how different your needs might be.
You might feel the need for you partner to tell you he loves you often, so may you do that for him. He no doubt enjoys that, but maybe what he really needs is for you to do quick considerate things to make him feel special. Some people like to be told, and some people like to be shown.
Simply having a discussion about your relationships needs can strengthen the relationship and make it easier for you to keep each other happy. If you’re uncomfortable having such a frank discussion, you should do it anyway. Telling each other your needs is better than hinting or expecting them to be psychic.
You may really need your partner to be more helpful to you. But when it’s time to clean or wash dishes you do them alone, yet again. And instead of simply asking for help or letting him know that it would mean a lot to you if he would do them sometimes or do them with you, you get angry.
You might huff around while you’re doing them, slam a cabinet, or act otherwise put out. This is passive aggressive behavior. You’re trying to manipulate him into helping you by acting that way. It’s much better and healthier to simply ask for help.
Passive aggressive behavior is common in relationships, and it’s a worsening cycle because it doesn’t work. If he does take your hint, it’s only after you’ve acted put upon, angry and resentful. So his doing the dishes might be only to keep you from acting that way.
If you ask for help and explain that it makes you feel good when he wants to help you, then he’s coming at the task from a place of love and helpfulness. He doesn’t feel guilted into doing it, so it’s better for everyone.
This applies to things like showing affection, respecting each other’s feelings, and every aspect of your relationship. When you want something, ask for it, and be prepared to give your partner what he or she asks for to make sure all your relationships needs are met.
The surefire way to get your needs met in a relationship is by making sure the other person knows just what those needs are. You can’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expert your partner to be able to read minds either. He or she wants to make sure your relationships needs are met, so tell them what they are.
At the same time, encourage your partner to tell you the needs he or she feels are important. You might be surprised to learn, if you’ve never had this conversation before, how different your needs might be.
You might feel the need for you partner to tell you he loves you often, so may you do that for him. He no doubt enjoys that, but maybe what he really needs is for you to do quick considerate things to make him feel special. Some people like to be told, and some people like to be shown.
Simply having a discussion about your relationships needs can strengthen the relationship and make it easier for you to keep each other happy. If you’re uncomfortable having such a frank discussion, you should do it anyway. Telling each other your needs is better than hinting or expecting them to be psychic.
You may really need your partner to be more helpful to you. But when it’s time to clean or wash dishes you do them alone, yet again. And instead of simply asking for help or letting him know that it would mean a lot to you if he would do them sometimes or do them with you, you get angry.
You might huff around while you’re doing them, slam a cabinet, or act otherwise put out. This is passive aggressive behavior. You’re trying to manipulate him into helping you by acting that way. It’s much better and healthier to simply ask for help.
Passive aggressive behavior is common in relationships, and it’s a worsening cycle because it doesn’t work. If he does take your hint, it’s only after you’ve acted put upon, angry and resentful. So his doing the dishes might be only to keep you from acting that way.
If you ask for help and explain that it makes you feel good when he wants to help you, then he’s coming at the task from a place of love and helpfulness. He doesn’t feel guilted into doing it, so it’s better for everyone.
This applies to things like showing affection, respecting each other’s feelings, and every aspect of your relationship. When you want something, ask for it, and be prepared to give your partner what he or she asks for to make sure all your relationships needs are met.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Cheaters How Can I Save Our Relationship
Cheaters - How Can I Save Our Relationship?
Anytime there are cheaters involved in a relationships, the parties end up asking themselves, "How can I save our relationship?" There are many questions and luckily, just as many answers. All relationships can be saved but, especially when cheating is involved, it takes time. Also, by the time you reach the point that you are ready to save your relationship, you may actually decide that you do not want to save it.
When a relationship ends there is always pain and sadness. When a relationship ends because of cheating, the biggest hurdle to deal with is the mistrust. Once trust has been broken, it is extremely hard to bring back. It may never be fully restored. Although some individuals can put it behind them, others are so impacted by the loss of trust that they can never forgive.
The first step you need to take is to talk it through. This can take days or even months but you need to do what it necessary to save the relationship. It's important that both of you are completely open and honest about your mistakes and feelings. Discuss what lead up to the affair. Although whoever had the fair may take the brunt of the blame, both partners must be willing to own up to their mistakes. The person who has been cheated on will want to know why and the cheater must be honest about his/her answer. You may be surprised to learn that most people end up having affairs without actually going out and looking for them. Someone may come along at a time that they are feeling empty in the relationship and this other person fills the need that hadn't been met for a long time. If the cheating episode in your partnership resembles this "unintentional" affair, you can definitely work on getting your relationship back. If the affair was intentionally sought out, then you probably want to consider moving on.
Communication is important in any relationship, even if it is relatively healthy, but especially when an affair has taken place. If you can communicate in a rational way without getting too emotional, it is better but this can be hard, especially in the beginning. Try not to accuse, threaten, or be aggressive. If you try to look at your relationship as something that needs fixing, you can work on how to do that.
Getting back to the question of "Cheaters-how can I save our relationship?", there isn't an overnight solution but there are step by step methods that you can follow. And remember, because there is such a lack of trust, especially n the beginning along with other feelings like guilt, betrayal, anger and depression, you need to be very careful in how you communicate with each other. This doesn't mean that you need to be dishonest in order to be "nice" but that you do need to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes as well.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Relationship Psychology
No relationship is perfect, but it is possible to make your partnership more enjoyable for each of you. After all, relationship psychology is all about finding ways to maintain a balance that stops one of both partners from becoming disillusioned with the union. If you've already broken up with your partner, then using similar relationship psychology principles can also help you to get your ex back.
Relationship psychology is about teaching each person inside the relationship how to recognize destructive or unhelpful patterns that could potentially be driving your partner away. The unfortunate part about most couples is that they often believe the other person will think the same way as they do. In truth, men and women have very different ways of communicating those things they need or want.
Women need to remember that men place more value on actions rather than words. This means a woman who constantly tries to get her partner to address problems in the relationship by talking about the issues or arguing about bad behavior is almost certain to see an increase in those negative patterns.
Instead of talking or arguing your way through an issue, try using a more psychological approach. Men respond more positively to your actions. They want to know that they are capable of making you happy. A man who is constantly faced with an upset partner will begin to think there's nothing he can do to make you happy, so he'll withdraw even further from you, even to the point of breaking up.
However, if he's faced with a happy, confident partner who is a pleasure to spend time with, he's less likely to withdraw. In fact, he'll likely draw even closer because he enjoys being around you. Men in this situation will often find themselves doing whatever they can to make sure you stay as happy as you were on those occasions. If you find it difficult to raise your self-confidence, then try giving yourself a mini-make over or spend some time doing something you enjoy. When you feel good within yourself, you're more likely to radiate that confidence outwardly as well.
Men need to remember that women value slightly different emotional triggers than they do. Women want to know that the man they love places enough value on her to really listen to what she's saying. If you feel your wife or girlfriend is pulling away from you, then sit down and just listen.
Ask questions about what your partner has just said and then take notice of her responses. If men can learn to listen attentively without allowing their mind to wander off, their girlfriends will begin to feel more loved, which leads them in turn to develop into a good mood, which makes them happy and enjoyable to send time with.
These primary differences in relationship psychology between men and women are simple things you can do to help strengthen your existing relationship, but they'll also work equally well if you're trying to get your ex back.
Relationship psychology is about teaching each person inside the relationship how to recognize destructive or unhelpful patterns that could potentially be driving your partner away. The unfortunate part about most couples is that they often believe the other person will think the same way as they do. In truth, men and women have very different ways of communicating those things they need or want.
Women need to remember that men place more value on actions rather than words. This means a woman who constantly tries to get her partner to address problems in the relationship by talking about the issues or arguing about bad behavior is almost certain to see an increase in those negative patterns.
Instead of talking or arguing your way through an issue, try using a more psychological approach. Men respond more positively to your actions. They want to know that they are capable of making you happy. A man who is constantly faced with an upset partner will begin to think there's nothing he can do to make you happy, so he'll withdraw even further from you, even to the point of breaking up.
However, if he's faced with a happy, confident partner who is a pleasure to spend time with, he's less likely to withdraw. In fact, he'll likely draw even closer because he enjoys being around you. Men in this situation will often find themselves doing whatever they can to make sure you stay as happy as you were on those occasions. If you find it difficult to raise your self-confidence, then try giving yourself a mini-make over or spend some time doing something you enjoy. When you feel good within yourself, you're more likely to radiate that confidence outwardly as well.
Men need to remember that women value slightly different emotional triggers than they do. Women want to know that the man they love places enough value on her to really listen to what she's saying. If you feel your wife or girlfriend is pulling away from you, then sit down and just listen.
Ask questions about what your partner has just said and then take notice of her responses. If men can learn to listen attentively without allowing their mind to wander off, their girlfriends will begin to feel more loved, which leads them in turn to develop into a good mood, which makes them happy and enjoyable to send time with.
These primary differences in relationship psychology between men and women are simple things you can do to help strengthen your existing relationship, but they'll also work equally well if you're trying to get your ex back.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
How To Survive An Affair Relationships That Last
After an affair, relationships can be hard to mend. The most essential part of any relationship is trust, and if you've cheated this bond is broken. The good news is that it is possible for a relationship to come back from cheating. The bad news is that you are going to have to work for it.
The first thing you need to do is swear off affair relationships. This is not a guide on how to cheat on your partner. If you're going to continue to cheat, then these guidelines will not be of much help to you. If you're willing to do the work, then these tips will help you repair your relationship.
The first thing you to need to do is admit your affair. Relationships are built on trust, and you can't have trust when you're lying to the other person. Not telling them is lying, a lie of omission. You need to tell them if they don't know, even though it is going to hurt.
Aside from general honesty, which is always a virtue, there is a practical side to this as well. If they don't know, they will find out, and it's better that you take the bullet now rather than add to the pain when they do find out. If you try to keep it a secret, you're going to torpedo the relationship.
The next thing you need to do is to take the blame. You may feel that your partner did something to drive you to cheat. We also all have natural tendency to rationalize our behavior, to explain ourselves by coming up with an excuse. But the reality is that it is you that cheated, you that the affair. Relationships aren't built by blaming your partner for your mistakes. Take the blame and move on.
Then you need to apologize. What you're looking for here is a complete admission and a sincere apology. You need to make sure that they know that you are truly repentant and regret what you did. Don't try to explain, just let them know how you feel.
Once you've done that, you need to give them some space. They are going to react, they are going to be hurt, and you can't push them into forgiving you any faster than they are going to already. Be there for them, but make sure that you don't push. They will be ready when they are ready, and if you try to push the issue then you are only going to succeed in pushing them further away.
After an affair, relationships are going to be different. The best thing you can do is to look at it as if you are starting the relationship all over again. You're going to need to win back their trust, and this is a process that is going to take some time.
Fortunately, there are resources available to you to help you repair the relationship. It may be hard to admit to yourself that you need help, but using one of the systems can be the best relationship move you'll ever make.
The first thing you need to do is swear off affair relationships. This is not a guide on how to cheat on your partner. If you're going to continue to cheat, then these guidelines will not be of much help to you. If you're willing to do the work, then these tips will help you repair your relationship.
The first thing you to need to do is admit your affair. Relationships are built on trust, and you can't have trust when you're lying to the other person. Not telling them is lying, a lie of omission. You need to tell them if they don't know, even though it is going to hurt.
Aside from general honesty, which is always a virtue, there is a practical side to this as well. If they don't know, they will find out, and it's better that you take the bullet now rather than add to the pain when they do find out. If you try to keep it a secret, you're going to torpedo the relationship.
The next thing you need to do is to take the blame. You may feel that your partner did something to drive you to cheat. We also all have natural tendency to rationalize our behavior, to explain ourselves by coming up with an excuse. But the reality is that it is you that cheated, you that the affair. Relationships aren't built by blaming your partner for your mistakes. Take the blame and move on.
Then you need to apologize. What you're looking for here is a complete admission and a sincere apology. You need to make sure that they know that you are truly repentant and regret what you did. Don't try to explain, just let them know how you feel.
Once you've done that, you need to give them some space. They are going to react, they are going to be hurt, and you can't push them into forgiving you any faster than they are going to already. Be there for them, but make sure that you don't push. They will be ready when they are ready, and if you try to push the issue then you are only going to succeed in pushing them further away.
After an affair, relationships are going to be different. The best thing you can do is to look at it as if you are starting the relationship all over again. You're going to need to win back their trust, and this is a process that is going to take some time.
Fortunately, there are resources available to you to help you repair the relationship. It may be hard to admit to yourself that you need help, but using one of the systems can be the best relationship move you'll ever make.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Evaluating Your Relationship With Your Partner - Before You Take Your Relationship To The Next Level
It doesn't matter if you've been in a relationship for a while or if it's brand new, most people will reach a point where they are considering taking their relationship to the next level. The next level could mean anything from physical intimacy to a walk down the aisle. No matter what the next level is for you, now is the time to start evaluating your relationship with your partner.
While it may seem like this would be an easy thing to do it can actually be very difficult. There are a few reasons why achieving an honest evaluation can be a tough thing for people:
1) If you wait too long to honestly access the quality and strength of your relationship you may already be in too deep to be able to objectively analyze the weak points in your partner and your relationship.
Once you've fallen for that person you will see only what you want to see. Few people will still have the strength to honestly admit that there might be a problem. They will turn a blind eye and pretend that everything is great.
2) During the early days and most of the 'dating phase' of a relationship your partner, and you, can be very guarded and careful of what they let the other see. With some people it's a deliberate attempt to hide their true colors with other's it's a more innocent "putting the best foot forward" type of thing.
Either way this tendency can make an honest evaluation very difficult.
One of the most important things you can do to try to have a secure and fulfilling relationship is to honestly evaluate the strength of your partner and the relationship early on.
It's also important to take your time. Too many people ignore the warning signs because they just want to be with someoone so badly they are willing to be mis-treated just so they don't have to be alone.
If you really want a strong relationship make sure you are strong first. If you are happy with you and you have made a full life for yourself filled with people and activities that make you happy, then you won't be so desperate for a relationship that you allow yourself to be mis-treated.
Honestly evaluating your relationship with your partner is something everyone should do, but few actually do. The earlier you do it the easier it will be to see things clearly as they really are and not just as you want them to be. That is the difference between a happy and loving relationship and an unhappy and potentiallly abusive relationship.
While it may seem like this would be an easy thing to do it can actually be very difficult. There are a few reasons why achieving an honest evaluation can be a tough thing for people:
1) If you wait too long to honestly access the quality and strength of your relationship you may already be in too deep to be able to objectively analyze the weak points in your partner and your relationship.
Once you've fallen for that person you will see only what you want to see. Few people will still have the strength to honestly admit that there might be a problem. They will turn a blind eye and pretend that everything is great.
2) During the early days and most of the 'dating phase' of a relationship your partner, and you, can be very guarded and careful of what they let the other see. With some people it's a deliberate attempt to hide their true colors with other's it's a more innocent "putting the best foot forward" type of thing.
Either way this tendency can make an honest evaluation very difficult.
One of the most important things you can do to try to have a secure and fulfilling relationship is to honestly evaluate the strength of your partner and the relationship early on.
It's also important to take your time. Too many people ignore the warning signs because they just want to be with someoone so badly they are willing to be mis-treated just so they don't have to be alone.
If you really want a strong relationship make sure you are strong first. If you are happy with you and you have made a full life for yourself filled with people and activities that make you happy, then you won't be so desperate for a relationship that you allow yourself to be mis-treated.
Honestly evaluating your relationship with your partner is something everyone should do, but few actually do. The earlier you do it the easier it will be to see things clearly as they really are and not just as you want them to be. That is the difference between a happy and loving relationship and an unhappy and potentiallly abusive relationship.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Stages Of A Relationship Understanding Them Makes A Difference
You’re probably not thinking about the different stages of a relationship while you’re with someone. And especially if the relationship is new or restarting after a breakup, it’s not likely on your mind. But if you understand the different stages of a relationship it can help you understand where you are and what’s yet to come.
Of all the stages of a relationship, the first stage is probably the most exciting. This is the romance stage, the beginning. There’s dating and getting to know each other, and each of you is on your very best behavior because you want to woo the other person.
This stage is often called the honeymoon period, because everything is fresh and new. Everything the other person does probably seems wonderful. You laugh at his jokes, and don’t mind the person’s flaws. In fact, you may even find his flaws endearing. Just like anything new, it can be a great deal of fun and seem adventurous.
The next two stages are the make or break stages that many couples never make it through. They account for things like very short relationships and marriages. The second stage is commonly known as the power struggle stage.
This is when the newness starts to wear off, and usually starts somewhere between six months to a year after the relationships starts. It’s during this time that things start to get serious. Everything isn’t as cute and endearing as it was in the beginning.
Each person in the relationship is trying to get his or her needs met, and they’re starting to notice where the other person falls short in doing that. If you’re in this stage, take a step back. The things you’re finding fault with in the other person are probably flaws that you have also.
If a couple can get through this stage, the relationship has a much better chance of lasting. Unfortunately, many couples try to change each other in the second stage. This leads to break-ups. Honest communication is the key to getting past it. Be understanding, and realize that you have shortcomings, too.
The third of the stages of a relationship is where you realize that you can’t change the other person, and you stop trying. If you came to that realization by talking with your partner and being understanding, then congratulations are in order!
This stage for you will be one of learning to be content with what the other has to offer and learning to take care of yourself. If the power struggle ended badly, then this is the stage where you’re likely to end the relationship.
The next stage is that of commitment. You realized you couldn’t change each other but you still made it work, and you know you want to be together. Now you can move on to a true partnership, which is the last stage.
Many couples bounce from stage 2 to 3 several times before moving on to commitment. By understanding the stages of a relationship, you’re at least aware of what’s happening and why.
Of all the stages of a relationship, the first stage is probably the most exciting. This is the romance stage, the beginning. There’s dating and getting to know each other, and each of you is on your very best behavior because you want to woo the other person.
This stage is often called the honeymoon period, because everything is fresh and new. Everything the other person does probably seems wonderful. You laugh at his jokes, and don’t mind the person’s flaws. In fact, you may even find his flaws endearing. Just like anything new, it can be a great deal of fun and seem adventurous.
The next two stages are the make or break stages that many couples never make it through. They account for things like very short relationships and marriages. The second stage is commonly known as the power struggle stage.
This is when the newness starts to wear off, and usually starts somewhere between six months to a year after the relationships starts. It’s during this time that things start to get serious. Everything isn’t as cute and endearing as it was in the beginning.
Each person in the relationship is trying to get his or her needs met, and they’re starting to notice where the other person falls short in doing that. If you’re in this stage, take a step back. The things you’re finding fault with in the other person are probably flaws that you have also.
If a couple can get through this stage, the relationship has a much better chance of lasting. Unfortunately, many couples try to change each other in the second stage. This leads to break-ups. Honest communication is the key to getting past it. Be understanding, and realize that you have shortcomings, too.
The third of the stages of a relationship is where you realize that you can’t change the other person, and you stop trying. If you came to that realization by talking with your partner and being understanding, then congratulations are in order!
This stage for you will be one of learning to be content with what the other has to offer and learning to take care of yourself. If the power struggle ended badly, then this is the stage where you’re likely to end the relationship.
The next stage is that of commitment. You realized you couldn’t change each other but you still made it work, and you know you want to be together. Now you can move on to a true partnership, which is the last stage.
Many couples bounce from stage 2 to 3 several times before moving on to commitment. By understanding the stages of a relationship, you’re at least aware of what’s happening and why.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Relationship Questions You Need To Ask
If you want to fix your relationship, then you need to ask the right question. Relationship repair can be tricky in the best of times, which is why you need to know the right questions, relationship questions, to get the information you need to repair what has been broken.
This is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Most of us won't want to ask these questions, relationship problems or not. This is because the natural human reaction to things is to try and avoid the problem as much as possible.
But relationship problems will not fix themselves. You need to make the effort to fix them, not wait for your ex to magically come around. You are the one who has realized there is a problem, and this means that you have to be the one to do the work to fix it. Whether you like it or not, it's become your responsibility.
Which brings us to the questions. Relationship questions are not easy to ask, but the answers will be worthwhile. This is the information you need to do the work that will bring you back to having a healthy relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife.
This is a question you need to ask yourself and your significant other. You need to ask yourself because you need to be able to know and articulate what it is you want from your relationship. You need to ask them so that you know that the things you want from the relationship are, if not the same, then at least compatible.
This is another question designed to get you looking at how the two of you view your relationship. If you both view different times in your relationship as the best times, this will give you a very strong indication of where things went wrong, which is the point of these questions. Relationship is based on knowing what these questions will tell you.
Again, this is a question both of you need to ask. This is an area where it is crucial that you don't assign blame or allow your emotions to be hurt. You need to take a full inventory of where you stand and knowing what it bothering both of you is essential.
The point of this is question is to see where you both think the relationship should and where it will go. Without knowing this, you won't know how bad the relationship is. If your partner thinks that the relationship is doomed to failure, this is information you need to know.
The point of doing all this is to find the true answers to these questions. Relationship rescue will be much easier when you have this information, because it will give a roadmap of the problems you need to resolve to have a stronger relationship. This is only the beginning, and you should seek out and find the information that will allow you to overcome these problems.
This is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Most of us won't want to ask these questions, relationship problems or not. This is because the natural human reaction to things is to try and avoid the problem as much as possible.
But relationship problems will not fix themselves. You need to make the effort to fix them, not wait for your ex to magically come around. You are the one who has realized there is a problem, and this means that you have to be the one to do the work to fix it. Whether you like it or not, it's become your responsibility.
Which brings us to the questions. Relationship questions are not easy to ask, but the answers will be worthwhile. This is the information you need to do the work that will bring you back to having a healthy relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife.
Question One: What Do You Want?
This is a question you need to ask yourself and your significant other. You need to ask yourself because you need to be able to know and articulate what it is you want from your relationship. You need to ask them so that you know that the things you want from the relationship are, if not the same, then at least compatible.
Question Two: What Were Our Best Times?
This is another question designed to get you looking at how the two of you view your relationship. If you both view different times in your relationship as the best times, this will give you a very strong indication of where things went wrong, which is the point of these questions. Relationship is based on knowing what these questions will tell you.
Question Three: What Don't You Like?
Again, this is a question both of you need to ask. This is an area where it is crucial that you don't assign blame or allow your emotions to be hurt. You need to take a full inventory of where you stand and knowing what it bothering both of you is essential.
Question Four: Where are we Heading?
The point of this is question is to see where you both think the relationship should and where it will go. Without knowing this, you won't know how bad the relationship is. If your partner thinks that the relationship is doomed to failure, this is information you need to know.
The point of doing all this is to find the true answers to these questions. Relationship rescue will be much easier when you have this information, because it will give a roadmap of the problems you need to resolve to have a stronger relationship. This is only the beginning, and you should seek out and find the information that will allow you to overcome these problems.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saving A Relationship 3 Tips For Doing So
Whether you've recently broken up, or you're afraid you're on the brink of a breakup you can take heart, saving a relationship is possible. You can reignite the flame that the two of you once shared. It won't necessarily be easy or fast, but if you're committed to making it work there is hope.
1. Do you really want to stay in the relationship? I know this may sound like a dumb question but sometimes when we think we want to keep our relationship what we really mean is that we're afraid of having to find someone new, or starting over. If you're brutally honest with yourself you can determine if you really want to continue the relationship or if you're just scared of being on your own.
Another part of this question is to determine if your partner really wants to work on the relationship too. Even if you decide that your relationship is worth saving, that doesn't mean your partner shares your conviction or will be willing to invest the time and effort to work on your problems.
2. Honestly evaluate what went wrong in your relationship. Again, this will need to be done by both of you. This can be the hardest part, it's always easier to blame someone else for the problems but it's tougher to own up to your part in the break down of your relationship.
Before you can repair it you need to know not only what is broken but why it broke. The two of you may even want to visit a couples counselor to help you objectively work through this phase. Sometimes having an objective third party in the room can help you both stay calm and face things you may not have been willing or able to face on your own.
3. Try to remember what drew you to each other in the first place. If you've been in a relationship for a while you obviously loved and enjoyed each other. So often in a relationship what happens is that the 'stronger' one (or the most selfish one) controls the relationship. They become the one who tends to take more than they give. The other partner will take on the role of the giver. Over time the 'taker' will get bored because the fun loving person they fell in love with has become a doormat and the 'giver' will get sick of not getting their needs met often enough.
If your relationship has fallen into this trap you both need to take a step back and remember what attracted you to each other. This might be a good time to not only remember but to tell the other person. Remind them why you fell in love with them, and vice a versa.
Saving a relationship will take time, work, and commitment by both parties, but it can be done. If you think your relationship is worth saving and your partner thinks so too, than by all means, follow the tips above and you can salvage your relationship.
I've compiled a list of some of the things you need to do to salvage and repair your relationship. Keep these tips in mind when you are analyzing your relationship:
1. Do you really want to stay in the relationship? I know this may sound like a dumb question but sometimes when we think we want to keep our relationship what we really mean is that we're afraid of having to find someone new, or starting over. If you're brutally honest with yourself you can determine if you really want to continue the relationship or if you're just scared of being on your own.
Another part of this question is to determine if your partner really wants to work on the relationship too. Even if you decide that your relationship is worth saving, that doesn't mean your partner shares your conviction or will be willing to invest the time and effort to work on your problems.
2. Honestly evaluate what went wrong in your relationship. Again, this will need to be done by both of you. This can be the hardest part, it's always easier to blame someone else for the problems but it's tougher to own up to your part in the break down of your relationship.
Before you can repair it you need to know not only what is broken but why it broke. The two of you may even want to visit a couples counselor to help you objectively work through this phase. Sometimes having an objective third party in the room can help you both stay calm and face things you may not have been willing or able to face on your own.
3. Try to remember what drew you to each other in the first place. If you've been in a relationship for a while you obviously loved and enjoyed each other. So often in a relationship what happens is that the 'stronger' one (or the most selfish one) controls the relationship. They become the one who tends to take more than they give. The other partner will take on the role of the giver. Over time the 'taker' will get bored because the fun loving person they fell in love with has become a doormat and the 'giver' will get sick of not getting their needs met often enough.
If your relationship has fallen into this trap you both need to take a step back and remember what attracted you to each other. This might be a good time to not only remember but to tell the other person. Remind them why you fell in love with them, and vice a versa.
Saving a relationship will take time, work, and commitment by both parties, but it can be done. If you think your relationship is worth saving and your partner thinks so too, than by all means, follow the tips above and you can salvage your relationship.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
How To Save Your Relationship After Adultery
After adultery a relationship is the weakest it's ever likely to be, but this can be a good thing. This sounds like it is hard to believe, but the truth is that the time after adultery is also the time that can make or break a relationship, which can be a huge opportunity.
Nobody likes to be cheated on. Nobody should be cheated on. But cheating isn't the problem, it's the symptom. There is always a bigger problem underlying the infidelity and if there's anything good to come after adultery, it's knowing that there is a problem that you need to address.
The time when a relationship is at its weakest is also the best time to do the work that will bring it to being its strongest. There's an idea in the military that you need to tear a person down so that you can build them back up, strong than they ever were before, and this is true in relationships as well.
After adultery what your relationships needs is a complete overhaul. This isn't optional, because if you try to just go back to the way things were, then what you'll find is that history will just repeat itself. You need to start over and build things back up from the bottom. Tear it down to bring it back stronger than it was before.
The first thing you need to do is spend some time apart. This may seem counter intuitive since you're dealing with an after adultery situation, when the urge might be to not let your partner out of your sight for a single second. But the time apart will allow you to see your relationship from a different angle, and this perspective will be important for the relationship repair process.
The next thing you need to do is to figure out exactly what the problem was, and the answer to this question is not 'they were sleeping with someone else'. You need to find the deep down problem that was behind the infidelity, and you need to do something about the problem.
After you've done those two things, it's time for you to start the relationship over. The key part is to do it from the beginning. Go on dates again. Start over just as if you were dating somebody else. You need to treat this as a new relationship because if you want to repair your relationship after adultery, then it has to be a new relationship.
Although you're being building a new relationship after adultery, you do need to keep in mind the problems that made all this necessary. The idea here isn't to have the same relationship you had before, the idea is to have a better one, and this means you need to avoid making the same mistakes.
Rebuilding a relationship after adultery will be hard, but it will also be one of the most worthwhile things you can. Remember, there is help available out there, and seeking it out one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
Nobody likes to be cheated on. Nobody should be cheated on. But cheating isn't the problem, it's the symptom. There is always a bigger problem underlying the infidelity and if there's anything good to come after adultery, it's knowing that there is a problem that you need to address.
The time when a relationship is at its weakest is also the best time to do the work that will bring it to being its strongest. There's an idea in the military that you need to tear a person down so that you can build them back up, strong than they ever were before, and this is true in relationships as well.
After adultery what your relationships needs is a complete overhaul. This isn't optional, because if you try to just go back to the way things were, then what you'll find is that history will just repeat itself. You need to start over and build things back up from the bottom. Tear it down to bring it back stronger than it was before.
The first thing you need to do is spend some time apart. This may seem counter intuitive since you're dealing with an after adultery situation, when the urge might be to not let your partner out of your sight for a single second. But the time apart will allow you to see your relationship from a different angle, and this perspective will be important for the relationship repair process.
The next thing you need to do is to figure out exactly what the problem was, and the answer to this question is not 'they were sleeping with someone else'. You need to find the deep down problem that was behind the infidelity, and you need to do something about the problem.
After you've done those two things, it's time for you to start the relationship over. The key part is to do it from the beginning. Go on dates again. Start over just as if you were dating somebody else. You need to treat this as a new relationship because if you want to repair your relationship after adultery, then it has to be a new relationship.
Although you're being building a new relationship after adultery, you do need to keep in mind the problems that made all this necessary. The idea here isn't to have the same relationship you had before, the idea is to have a better one, and this means you need to avoid making the same mistakes.
Rebuilding a relationship after adultery will be hard, but it will also be one of the most worthwhile things you can. Remember, there is help available out there, and seeking it out one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner
Many people have found Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner a very good book that really helped them in their personal relationships so it is a true "Relationship Rescue Tips" book.
Reading Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner alone will not do it though, you must be serious, work with your partner and above all be honest.
So, you must not think there is something "magical" about Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner. It is a guideline to help you on the path of a better relationship with your partner. In the end though, you will have to do the work. With Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner the path will be mapped out for you, but you have to walk it!
Have a look at what some think about Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner:
Well I think you can see that there are some happy customers here! You will also notice that your relationship or marriage does not have to be in trouble to benefit from Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner. You can work through it even if you are not aware of any problems. Enrich your relationship or marriage with Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner.
Go to: Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner now!
Reading Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner alone will not do it though, you must be serious, work with your partner and above all be honest.
So, you must not think there is something "magical" about Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner. It is a guideline to help you on the path of a better relationship with your partner. In the end though, you will have to do the work. With Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner the path will be mapped out for you, but you have to walk it!
Have a look at what some think about Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner:
As always, Dr. Phil has insight that makes perfect sense but the rest of us just don't get quite so easily! He tells you like it is and expects you to do nothing more than be honest with yourself. He has excellent exercises to do that require some soul searching at times, and his advice is thought provoking and effective! I highly recommend this book if you are having relationship issues, and neither of you wants to end it, but neither of you knows how to fix it either. It really helps if you both do it together but one person could get a lot of advice and direction to go too. Also recommend you get the workbook that goes with this book...makes it much easier than a bunch of notebooks everywhere with the exercises he has you do throughout.
I don't think you will regret this purchase. Dr. Phil ROCKS!
I don't think you will regret this purchase. Dr. Phil ROCKS!
I would not have normally bought a book like this but for anyone whose ever been in a difficult relationship this book will provide eye opening observations into who you are and how well you know your partner.
I just loved this workbook! I did wonders for my marriage! It will really help and let's you find yourself...I would recommend this book to anyone. It's very much to the point and truthful. Dr.Phil is wonderful and is just excellent when it comes to this stuff...Buy it!
Well I think you can see that there are some happy customers here! You will also notice that your relationship or marriage does not have to be in trouble to benefit from Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner. You can work through it even if you are not aware of any problems. Enrich your relationship or marriage with Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner.
Go to: Relationship Rescue Workbook, The: Exercises and Self-Tests to Help You Reconnect with Your Partner now!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Relationship Rescue Tactics
Many people begin searching for relationship rescue tactics to try and bring back the spark they once had with a partner when the magic begins to fade. Over time, most relationships grow and change from the loving, romantic bond into a steady routine of daily rituals and habits. In some cases, those habits can make one or both people in the relationship feel as though they're being taken for granted.
Some people may find that they're arguing more often than they're enjoying each other. Others may find that there's nothing left to say to each other or they simply fall into a daily pattern where everything else seems more important than the relationship.
Your relationship doesn't have to be this way.
Often the first avenue many people try in order to re-kindle a relationship is to try and bring back some of the romance. Intimate dinners and provocative lingerie are nice physical attempts at bringing you closer again, but they don't address on the inner, emotional reasons why the relationship may be strained. On the other hand, endlessly talking about your relationship rescue plans and tactics could potentially drive a wedge between you and strain the relationship even further.
There are plenty of relationship rescue tactics you can use to bring that loving spark back into your relationships. Here are some relationship rescue suggestions you can try to help get you back on the right track.
When the initial heady, romantic stage of any relationship begins to settle into a comfortable partnership, many people lose sight of the things they originally appreciated in their partner. They begin to focus on the things that irritate them or annoy them or make them mad.
Unfortunately, focusing on all the negative aspects of your partner can often bring about a feeling of resentment, which can lead to arguments and eventually the destruction of the relationship.
It's important to try and find things in your partner that you appreciate. You might appreciate their kindness or their sense of humor or their intelligence or whatever attribute attracted you to them in the first place.
Live each day of your relationship as though it was the last day you have with your partner. Accidents happen when we least expect them. While this doesn't mean it's going to happen to you, consider how you'd feel if something did happen and today really was the final day you had together.
What would you regret most? What would you wish you'd said or done or changed if you never had the opportunity to do them again?
Your answers to those questions should be the very same things you need to be doing with your partner each and every day. When you live each day as though it was your last, the romance will return almost immediately.
Your partner can't read your mind. Sitting in silence letting a problem brew until you're at bursting point won't make your partner see problems any more clearly and it can compound the negative emotions within you.
It's important to communicate with your partner about your expectations, your needs, your goals and ambitions, your disappointment and anger. Communication is about letting the other person know what you're feeling in a clear, non-blaming manner so that you can both be sure you're on the same page.
Relationship rescue tactics is all about finding ways to be sure you understand and appreciate the little things you do for each other instead of focusing on the negatives. If you can communicate clearly and find ways to appreciate and support your partner, then your relationship rescue tactics and attempts will be rewarded.
Taking action is important, but you need to know what you are doing. These tips above will help you a lot, but if you feel you need more help, go to: The Making Up System and get all the advice you need. The Making Up System is an honest ebook with real help that will not make matters worse.
Some people may find that they're arguing more often than they're enjoying each other. Others may find that there's nothing left to say to each other or they simply fall into a daily pattern where everything else seems more important than the relationship.
Your relationship doesn't have to be this way.
Often the first avenue many people try in order to re-kindle a relationship is to try and bring back some of the romance. Intimate dinners and provocative lingerie are nice physical attempts at bringing you closer again, but they don't address on the inner, emotional reasons why the relationship may be strained. On the other hand, endlessly talking about your relationship rescue plans and tactics could potentially drive a wedge between you and strain the relationship even further.
There are plenty of relationship rescue tactics you can use to bring that loving spark back into your relationships. Here are some relationship rescue suggestions you can try to help get you back on the right track.
1. Appreciation
When the initial heady, romantic stage of any relationship begins to settle into a comfortable partnership, many people lose sight of the things they originally appreciated in their partner. They begin to focus on the things that irritate them or annoy them or make them mad.
Unfortunately, focusing on all the negative aspects of your partner can often bring about a feeling of resentment, which can lead to arguments and eventually the destruction of the relationship.
It's important to try and find things in your partner that you appreciate. You might appreciate their kindness or their sense of humor or their intelligence or whatever attribute attracted you to them in the first place.
2. Awareness
Live each day of your relationship as though it was the last day you have with your partner. Accidents happen when we least expect them. While this doesn't mean it's going to happen to you, consider how you'd feel if something did happen and today really was the final day you had together.
What would you regret most? What would you wish you'd said or done or changed if you never had the opportunity to do them again?
Your answers to those questions should be the very same things you need to be doing with your partner each and every day. When you live each day as though it was your last, the romance will return almost immediately.
3. Communication
Your partner can't read your mind. Sitting in silence letting a problem brew until you're at bursting point won't make your partner see problems any more clearly and it can compound the negative emotions within you.
It's important to communicate with your partner about your expectations, your needs, your goals and ambitions, your disappointment and anger. Communication is about letting the other person know what you're feeling in a clear, non-blaming manner so that you can both be sure you're on the same page.
Relationship rescue tactics is all about finding ways to be sure you understand and appreciate the little things you do for each other instead of focusing on the negatives. If you can communicate clearly and find ways to appreciate and support your partner, then your relationship rescue tactics and attempts will be rewarded.
Taking action is important, but you need to know what you are doing. These tips above will help you a lot, but if you feel you need more help, go to: The Making Up System and get all the advice you need. The Making Up System is an honest ebook with real help that will not make matters worse.
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