Relationship Psychology Basics

Relationship are not always fun all the time. It may be that they go great, and them again they can maddeningly difficult. What is even worse, it can be very difficult to spot the causes for the good as well as the bad times. This makes it impossible to predict, with any certainty, what is going to happen in a relationship. This is the only explanation for the many instances we see of couples madly in love the one moment and the next you hear, they are having a divorce!

What it all comes down to is psychology. Does that mean a psychologist can save any relationship? Not necessarily, but there are some interesting things to consider. Perhaps having some simple insights into what people are thinking will help keep your current relationship that much stronger.

The National Institute of Mental Health paid for a study that the majority of young couples (18 to 21 years of age) avoided being overly intimate--in the deepest sense of the word--with one another and tried to remain as independent as possible. At the same time, there was strong evidence that they were worried about abandonment and rejection. However, those with higher self-esteem didn't worry as much.

Generally speaking, older couples do not show as strong of a tendency for this type of behavior. This is most likely because they have more life experience and that they do not tie their sense of worth to what somebody else thinks of them. To put it another way, they don't worry as much about breaking up. The interesting thing is that this attitude actually makes it less likely that they will break up. That's not to say that break ups only happen to young couples. They can happen at any age.

There have also been differences recorded between men and women. For example, women tend to try to steer a conversation, while men tend to react to conversations as they happen. It's easy to see how this can lead to a source of conflict. Different styles of communication means that what you mean to say often isn't the way it is heard. However, once you understand these differences are there, you can take that into account whenever you are talking to each other.

These are only a few basic observations on the psychology of relationships, but there are many more. While it can be fascinating to explore the differences between how men and women think, this alone isn't always enough to keep a relationship humming along nicely. What it really takes is work and commitment.

Keep the following in mind when it feels as if your relationship is not going all that well any more. This is a good place to start. Keep in mind that seeing a marriage counselor may not be an altogether bad idea. A psychologist knows relationships and has a good grip on the psychology of relationships. A psychologist will take the time and get to know you and will therefore be able to show you how to apply that psychology and be a happier couple.

Relationship Counseling - You both have to Want to GO

It is not always easy to be together with someone you care about. Even if you started off on the right food, expecting to be happy for the rest of your lives, there often is a time to take a reality check as life catches up with you. This is when things do not seem so ideal anymore. Do not feel alone, many couples experience this. Many need relationship counseling and it is best to do it sooner than later. Before you make the decision to go for relationship counseling, here are a few things to keep in ming.

1. A counselor is not a miracle worker.

They can't just wave a magic wand and make your relationship perfect. What they can do is listen to each of you (separately and together), and offer suggestions based on what you have told them.

The purpose of visiting a counselor is not to win some imaginary contest, nor is it to prove you are right and that your partner is wrong. If that's your attitude, then you can be sure that changing that attitude is one of the first things the counselor is going to try to do. In some ways--depending how bad things are--the counselor's role is to tear down all of the nasty walls you have put up, and then rebuild on a more harmonious foundation.

2. One thing you should watch out for is more arguing.

What? Yes, that's right, a lot of couples find that they argue more after their first few sessions of relationship counseling. That's because they are learning new ways to communicate, and this change can bring stress of its own. Don't worry, though, if you stick with the counseling you will get past this and start to get along better and better.

Just having somebody to listen to your side of things can be quite therapeutic. Maybe you feel like your partner doesn't get what you're trying to say, or maybe you feel like they ignore you completely. Either way, having an objective party lending an ear can be a great way to work through things.

3. But why use a counselor at all, can't you get a lot of the same information from self-help books?

You sure can. Let me ask you this: have you tried any of those books, and if so, how are they working for you? If they're not working, that's okay, it's not your fault. See, the author can only pass along what they know, but they don't know you personally. Their advice may be wonderful...for somebody else, but it just doesn't work for you. A counselor can listen to your specific problems and then craft solutions that will work best for your specific situation.

As with all things in life there is a catch here. If you do not do something, nothing will happen! You may say to me “but that is common sense” thing is, many couples go to relationship counseling and then they do not follow through with the advice from the qualified counselor. If you do not follow the advice nothing will happen. Both of you have to be willing to go all our. If you do that there is a good chance that you will succeed.

Go to The Magic Of Making Up for more excellent advice.

Can I Make Him Fall In Love With Me Again Before A Breakup

Do you feel as if you are heading for a breakup? It seems as if he is simply not into you that much any more. To you a breakup seems on the cards. If that is the case you may find yourself asking: can I make him fall in love with me again? This is a question we all hear over and over again. It seems as if everyone is asking it. I'm glad to say that the answer may just surprise you!

The first thing I always ask someone when they ask this question is what makes you so sure that he doesn't still love you? Relationships can be confusing. We are never as vulnerable as we are when we let another person in. That person then has the ability to really hurt us. Sometimes we accidentally sabotage our own relationships just because we are so afraid of getting hurt that we unconsciously decide we should end it before it goes any further.

Even if that's not what is going on with you, I repeat, what makes you think he doesn't still love you? It's easy to misinterpret the signs especially if your guy suddenly seems a little cool or distant. Sure, this could be a sign that he's ready to bolt, but it could also be a sign that you are sending out some signals of your own and he is responding to them. Confusing, I know. But either one of you can be picking up on the 'vibes' of the other, it happens all the time.

So, let's say, that you were having a rough time about something, it doesn't really matter what, and you weren't as happy as you usually are. Your guy will have picked up on those vibes. If you were unable, or unwilling, to let him know what was going on with you, he might have interpreted it as you weren't in love with him anymore. What you are witnessing from him might just be a 'reflection' of what he picked up from you.

I hope that makes sense. It's a tough concept to convey in an article. One of the best ways you can find out if this is the case is to sit down, calmly, and talk to him. Ask him if there is anything wrong (you could start out by explaining what's been going on with you, assuming there has been something going on with you).

If you don't think that is the problem, is it possible that the two of you have just grown apart and have started to take each other for granted? Are the two of you so busy and stressed with your lives that you have 'forgotten' to show the other that you love them?

You know, showing your guy that you love him can be as simple as giving his back a rub when you pass by him in the kitchen. Most of us, men or women, love these little signs of affection. In many cases they can mean as much, or more, than the big grandiose displays of flowers, candy and lingerie. Such a simple act, done almost without thinking about it, lets your guy know that you care about him and that can go a long way to calming any fears he may be having about the relationship.

So, before you go around asking: can I make him fall in love with me again, you may just want to make sure that he really has fallen out of love with you. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find out.

Never jump to conclusions. Make sure of what is really going on before you take drastic action. Your guy may still be completely in to you and you are simply sending out or receiving the wrong signals. For more advice have a look at The Magic Of Making Up.

Best Way Of Fixing A Broken Relationship Tips

There is good as well as bad news for fixing a broken relationship. It is true that even if the relationship is completely screwed up it can be fixed, that is the good new. If both parties are willing to give a 100% in the effort of fixing a relationship, if you both of you are completely committed you can make it work. You have to be aware of the fact that it will take time and effort. You have to be willing to face your own shortcoming and be mature about it. If this is the case, there is a very good chance that the broken relationship can be fixed.

The bad news is that if the problems are serious and /or both of you aren't willing to work hard and find a solution; the odds of fixing a broken relationship go down significantly. It's not impossible, but so much more difficult.

1. So step one would be to honestly asses where you and your partner are:

Are both of you mature enough to face up to the issues and stick with it long enough to find a solution? If so, go on to step two. If not, ask yourself why you want to save the relationship. People will usually answer that with "I love them" but sometimes that just isn't enough.

If you try single handedly to save your relationship, it's very easy to fall into the trap of becoming a door mat to your partner. If they are so selfish that they won't work with you to save the relationship, it's almost a guarantee that they will try to take advantage of all the hard work you are doing.

2. Step two would be to figure out what is going on:

What are the problems and issues that the two of you are dealing with? What needs to be done to fix them? Do the two of you just seem to be drifting apart? If so, why? What has changed? Do you now have kids and find it harder to really connect with each other and care for the kids? Has one of you taken on a new more stress filled job and it's affecting your home life?

Once you identify what the issues are you have a much better chance of dealing with them in an effective way. Don't let the clutter of day to day life confuse you. That's not the real problem in most cases. Figure out the real bottom line problems and than work together on a solution.

Sometimes finding someone to help you sort it all out can work wonders. Finding a therapist or counselor to help you figure it all out can be a great help. If nothing else, a counselor can act as a sort of referee so the two of you don't get too upset and start fighting. If you do, nothing will ever get worked out.

Figure out what is really broken in your relationship. You need to know this if you are thinking of fixing a broken relationship. It is not possible to fix something if you do not know what is wrong with it, the same goes for a relationship. You have to pinpoint the problems and work at solving them. If you do the is a good chance of fixing a broken relationship.

The Key To Relationship Success Is Effective Communication

Effective communication in a relationship really has reached the status of a cliché! The thing is, it really is most important. There is no way to keep a good relationship going without effective communication. You have to share everything. This means your joys, your problems, your fears etc. You must be in tune with your partner's dreams and hopes and you must support your partner in all of this.

It never ceases to amaze me when people are on the phone with their spouse how they'll end the conversation with a casual 'love you too'. I'm not saying that's bad, but I am saying that this 'habit' is just one example of how we think that we're telling our partner how we feel when we're really not.

It's way too easy to say what you're expected to say with no real meaning behind the words. We all do it. That is at the basis for poor communication skills in a relationship. If I asked one hundred people if they talk to their spouse as openly and candidly as they do their best friend, I'll bet around 90 of them would say 'no'.

That's because many of us just hold our tongue because we don't want to rock the boat. If things are going well you don't want to bring up uncomfortable subjects and ruin the good mood. And if things are going bad you've got enough to deal with without bringing up more issues. So the 'bad' things never get talked about.

Or at least they never get talked about until you're really angry at your spouse and then it all comes out like a tsunami and your spouse is likely feeling a little blindsided. I think we've all been guilty of doing that at one time or another.

It's important for the two of you to be able to talk to each other in a safe environment. Your partner has to know that if they want to talk about something that you're not going to 'attack' them. Whether it's getting mad and yelling, or trying to make them feel guilty because they hurt your feelings. It's all an attack and it's all very manipulative. The point is you have to be willing to listen to it all, good and bad.

Of course, the same exact thing holds true for your spouse too. It's got to be give and take. You should both be willing to listen to the issues the other one has and you should both be able to talk about the issues you have, without being punished by getting the cold shoulder or being yelled at.

Most of this will start with each of you having enough self confidence to not take everything personally. If your spouse tries to talk to you about a problem and all you hear is "you're not good enough" or "you're not smart enough" or "I don't love you" than the issue is with you, not them. Get that fixed first.

Learning the skills of effective communication is a investment in your future relationship. You cannot expect to have a lasting relationship without communication. You really have to be able to talk about EVERYTHING in a relationship. You should be able to listen and make sure you HEAR what your partner is saying.

This is only one of the many good relationship tips you will be able to find in The Magic Of Making Up. Go there now and see how much you can learn to prevent your relationship from deteriorating.

Good And Healthy Relationship Advice In Easy Steps

Relationship advice come two for a penny! It is important though that you exercise some discretion on which advice you except. You know, everyone has an opinion, but a lot of that "advice" can actually be dangerous. For very good advice I'll go to The Magic Of Making Up.

In many cases, the advice you get can actually cause more harm than good and will encourage you to be manipulative and childish. Here is some relationship advice that can help you get your ex girlfriend back in 5 simple steps - healthy relationship advice. In other words; good relationship advice.

Here are five easy steps that can help you reconcile with your girlfriend in no time at all:

1. Take a look at your past mistakes:

Take a look at your past mistakes, the ones that directly impacted your relationship as well as those that didn't (or at least you don't think they did). Pick a few of your personality traits that you feel you should work on and improve. Make a total commitment to investing time and effort into changing those things about yourself that you're not happy with. Not only can this, eventually, help you get your girl back, it can also make you a better person in general.

2. Go out and be social.

Don't spend all your time isolated in your home. On the other side of the coin, don't go out with other women. This is a mistake many men make; they want to make their ex jealous. The good news is that it usually works, your ex will probably be jealous. The bad news is that it won't help you one little bit if your goal is to get your ex back. She may be jealous but that doesn't mean she'll want you back. Go out, but don't hook up.

3. Take a trip and/ or do something unique and different.

Explore not only the world, but yourself as well. Challenge yourself and try new things. Whether that means finding a better job or taking a class this is a great time to improve the person you are. That way when you do contact your ex she'll be impressed by the changes you've made and the interesting man you've become.

4. Take care of your physical appearance.

This may mean joining a gym or getting some home exercise equipment, such as the Stamina Spacemate Folding Stepper. Breakups are hard on you both emotionally and physically, it's important that you help keep your body strong and alleviate some stress. Working out on a regular basis can help you accomplish both of those things. It will also help make you look really hot for that time when you contact your ex.

5. Now is the time to contact her:

Last but not least, you've let some time go by without talking to your ex, but more than likely she's been hearing from mutual friends about all the changes you've been making and all the cool new things you've been doing. Now is the time to contact her. It's very, very important that you keep things extremely casual.

Remember, she's probably used to the two of you fighting and she may be hesitant to see you for fear that you'll just end up in a fight again. If you keep things very causal and friendly she will have time to learn to trust you and she will have a chance to see the new and improved you. In most cases that is all it takes for her to want to get back together with you.

If you are willing to follow these easy steps, be patient, and avoid all the stupid and unhealthy relationship games that so many people seem to like to play, you have a great chance to get your ex girlfriend back in 5 simple steps - healthy relationship advice. This is the only way that really makes sense. A relationship just can't last if it's based on childish, manipulative behavior.

Make a serious effort, that is the most healthy relationship advice I can give you. Always keep the well being of your partner in mind and you will not be tempted to fall back in the old behavior patterns that caused all the problems to star with.

For more excellent and healthy relationship advice, have a look at The Magic Of Making Up.

WOW - Cheating In A Relationship - It Hurts

Wow, cheating in a relationship is one of the most difficult betrayals to overcome, and many couples can never really move past it. It will take a lot of time and love to rebuild the distrust that cheating has caused and unless both of you are committed to it 100% you might as well call it quits right now because it simply won't work.

If you're the one who has been cheated on, it may be very difficult for you to ever trust your partner again, no matter how much they apologize. If you tell them that you are willing to try you better make darn sure that you really are willing to try. One of the biggest traps of this type of situation is the tendency of the person who was betrayed to punish the cheater throughout the rest of the relationship. The problem is, that you won't really know if that's what will happen or not since you might sincerely believe you can forgive them for the betrayal.

Before you even try to mend the relationship it's important you ask yourself why. Make sure that you are only staying because you truly believe the two of you can make things work and not because you're afraid of being on your own. If your partner has cheated more than once, do yourself a favor and run, don't walk, away. We often get confused about the causes of cheating, we think it's about sex, but it's not really. The truth is that it's about one persons serious character flaws and insecurities.

There have been a string of high profile cases lately where husbands have cheated on their (very beautiful) wives almost from the day they said "I do". What is their excuse? Is it an addiction? Is it that their wives weren't meeting their needs? The truth is that with most of these cases the cheaters are just insecure children who never grew up enough to live up to their word. When they said "I do" it was supposed to mean "I won't" but they selfishly did whatever it was that made them feel better for a few minutes.

If you're in a relationship with someone like that you are really better off to just leave. It's unlikely that any amount of therapy will help your partner grow up and grow a conscience or grow some character. You don't need the pain.

If, on the other hand, your partner made a one time mistake and the two of you had a great relationship prior to that (and you think you really can forgive them) than by all means give it a shot. It would probably be best to enlist the help of a therapist who can help the two of you navigate the minefield that is going to follow the affair. It will be tough for the two of you to keep your emotions in check long enough to find a path to the loving relationship you once shared.

It won't be easy but cheating in a relationship can be overcome but only if both parties really want it. If you aren't both committed totally to making things better and moving on, than you're better off calling it quits right now so you can find someone who knows what honesty and fidelity is all about.